I know....

 I am not the best blogger in the world. I am not one that is able to post on a blog all the time, but I like to keep something up sometimes.
I am watching one little girl with my daycare and working on the first routine for the church's dance/flag group. I think it's going to be awesome and I can't wait to get started! I believe I will be starting with a group of about 6 kids. So exciting!
I am just continuing to allow the lord to lead me where he wants me to go.......

God has Given Me A Job...or two

I had a great day at church this morning. And not just because the kids left for their dad's yesterday. I truly believe when you listen and obey god good things will happen. Maybe not all the time and it doesn't guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen, but I do believe good things can and do happen.
I love my bible study class. I love Mrs. Shirley...so is such a wonderful, loving Christian lady. She is the one is our teacher, but I think of her as more of a bible study partner, helping to guide us in the right path. I love reading and discussing a new chapter that we read each week. Mrs, Shirley is also the reason why I have grown closer to god, she was put into my life to for a reason and I am eternally grateful for her.
After bible study, we head to the fellowship hall as we normally do and have refreshments and chat. This morning as I was checking out some wonderful materials that Mrs. Sharon brought back from conference, I couldn't help but overhear her talking with another member of our church about google key words and rankings. I don't claim to be a web-pro or anything, but I have picked up some tips through the last few years. I couldn't help myself, I included a tidbit about social media to the conversation. Mrs. Sharon thought it was a wonderful idea and asked me to create a page and get it started. Of course, since I enjoy this stuff, I gladly accepted. Yup, god, I am listening and obeying! Our church now has its own facebook page!
As I continued to go through all the wonderful information on the table, there was information about doing a pumpkin patch, sponsored with our church. I have been wanting to see one of these in Hawthorne for a few years! I thought it was great. Off to Mrs. Sharon I go again. She loves the idea, which is why she grabbed the information. So now I am helping with getting a pumpkin patch in the fall. What a great way to bring the community to our little church...the programs that can be done also with the local school and day cares. Awesome!!
After service....here comes Mrs. Sharon again. Oh boy.....god is really trusting me to do his will! I am excited and a bit scared at the same time. I really hope I can live up to his name!
She relayed a little story to me. She said as she was driving back from conference, she felt god speaking to her. She said she heard him tell her to help get something for the kids, an interpretive dance with flags. Something that will keep them engaged and learning about god and Jesus. She heard my name since I am a former flag/guard in high school. She just knew it was god speaking to her. Of course I said yes....she asked me to get something going for a back to school in August. I have a deadline and so much to do!!

WOW! God is Good!

Mom, can you please loose some weight?

My son, I love him more than life. Since he has entered the first grade, he has started to notice different body types. Short, tall, fat, skinny, kinda fat, black, white, brown, etc. Upon noticing these body types, he has very matter-of-factly let me know that I am fat. He is never rude about it and doesn't mean any offense, he has merely stated the obvious.
He just completed the 5th grade and has been asking me for the last 5 years to loose some weight, that he wants a skinny mom. I have found it endearing and thoughtful. I think part of it is he has also noticed that skinny is more socially acceptable and he just wants his mom to "fit in" more. He doesn't realized that I am just not a social butterfly and I prefer not to be in huge crowds and big parties. I like small groups of friends to really get to know a few special people.
We have discussed why he is asking me to loose weight and he just says that I should be skinnier. I think he is reluctant to tell me if he does know or maybe he doesn't really know why. But he continues to ask me in earnest concern for me. (and maybe him too, who knows....)
Today I took him to his dad. His dad lives 4 hours away and we meet in the middle. Halfway there, he starts talking about my weight again.
"Mom, can you please loose some weight?" He doesn't know that I am about 100lbs overweight. Ok, clinical obese. (Yucky sounding!)
He doesn't know, either, that loosing weight has been on my mind in a more serious way for almost a month or that I have already been working towards changing my thinking an attitude towards food. Fast food is starting to taste blah to me. We stopped at Micky Dee's for a quick lunch on the way there today and the hamburger meal tasted to bland. I didn't even finish it. Maybe it's the summer, but I have been craving salads and free fruits/veggies lately.
"Mom," he continues, "You can loose just 20lbs. Can you do that this summer? While we are gone, can you loose just 20lbs?"
OMGosh! I think my heart is melting right out of my chest. I think I have the best 10 yr old son in the whole world! I am driving and thinking.....he is compromising with me, not to loose everything over night, but just some. To just make an effort. He made a bargain I could not refuse....I told him that I would do my best. I meant every word.
I have a goal.....to loose 3-4lbs each week. For my son....for my family.....most importantly, for me.
I will be posting each day as much as I can remember to help myself stay on track. I don't know who is out there reading, but any encourage will be appreciated!

Really Neglected

I have neglected this blog for about year. It's just been really crazy! Life never stops, but I am here to vent. I am almost all alone. Not in the sense that I live by myself, but in the sense that I don't have someone here that I am in constant contact with and is 100% here for me everyday.
I love my husband, I really do, but we have been living apart for almost 5 years and haven't seen each other in person for 3 years. It's extremely hard. We will have our 6 year anniversary in Sept. this year. The last 10 years I have felt lonely except for one, that was the one year that Ricardo and I was actually able to live together in the same house.
I am on my own. I have to take care of kids, pay the bills, work to make sure an income is coming in, struggle, etc...on my own. It's hard and without someone to really, I mean really talk to and to really share this with, I get lonely. There isn't money to go out for a day trip, even going to the store has to be limited.
Ricardo is still living in Costa Rica. He got bitten by a mosquito at work and got derange fever. He will be out of work for at least a week. Yesterday he had to go to the doctor for another treatment. While he was there it rained...alot. If you know the rains in Costa Rica, you know that it can rain enough to close roads. After all it is part of the rain forest. Anyways, he got stuck in the rain at the doctors last night and had to stay there. He texted me through his cell phone which is connected to facebook and mine cell phone is also connected to facebook.
I haven't heard from him since last night. I figured he got home and was tired or not feeling well so I didn't attempt to contact him. I didn't feel anything bad had happened.I figured he would contact me when he was feeling better and if he had internet. (The internet isn't really reliable there all the time)
We he contacted me in the early evening today and told me he felt bad because I didn't attempt to contact him and that he feels alone even though there are people (family) around him. I apologized since this was not my intention, but I also thought to myself "And I don't feel lonely?!" I didn't say that out loud, but I wanted to scream it at him. I know it would not do any good so I didn't. I kept it to myself. Now I feel like crying, only I won't. I still have kids to get in bed and take care of and I don't need to them feeling bad because of me.
I just lost my temp job of 6 months and just got the last paycheck from that job. I have been spending some off hours and working towards opening up a home business. I am ready to open and have been getting the details finished, marketing, etc. I spent most of my day doing this, taking breaks as needed. I feel like I am working my tail off and still haven't made any money, but I have one client, just not a paying one yet. They are contracted to start next week.
Then to top it all off, my ex-husband is switching jobs (with a cut in pay) and my child support is having to be redone. So I have no idea when it will start up again, I hope that it will be sooner than later! I need to pay bills, but at least it's still the beginning of June.  This economy sucks!!

Breaking Down for God

I took my kids to their dad's for the summer Sunday afternoon. My gas tank was low and I figured since I had 2 lines above E, it would make it to the next neighboring town over to fill it up. Gas is a bit cheaper over there and it's only 20 minutes away. Boy, was I wrong! 5 minutes before I get to the gas station and right before the city limits sign, my car starts "coughing" and slows down to shut off! I pull over to the side ofthe road and start saying outloud, " no, no, no, this can't be happening!" But of course it can be happening, that is the is the logical part of my brain talking. I kindly tell it to "shut up" and start to wonder what do to.
I could call my dad, but he would be extrememly upset with my lack of planning and paying attention to my gas gage. This has happened before. He is a huge stickler for fill up at a quarter of a tank. He would also charge me more to "teach me a lesson". Ugh, aren't dad's great? Plus there is the well known lecture of "I am going to burn up my fuel injector" again and spend a few hundred dollars replacing it again. Don't get me wrong, my dad loves me and is always supportive, but he has his hang ups, taking care of cars is one of them.
I roll the windows down and place my head on the steering wheel as I think about my situation that I have placed myself into. The kids are in the back seat talking and asking me questions that I don't want to answer. I pray for an answer. I hear a whisper. "Get out and pop the hood to appear broke down". So I did that.
Now what?
I walk over to the side of the car that is against the ditch and place my head down on my open window and continue to pray. "Dear god, please help me get out of this. I dont want to call my dad. I know this is my fault. I should have put gas in the tank before I left town. Please help" I keep praying these words and within minutes my prayers were answered!
A guy with 3 little ones in the back seat pulled up and asked me what was wrong. He was driving a beat up car with 2 doors and the cutest 3 little dirty kids I have ever seen in my life! They had clearly been playing in the dirt all day having a good time :-)
He made a phone call and came to my rescue. He offered to drive me and my kids to get the gas I needed. Only problem? We would have to put 5 kids in the back seat. I momentarily freaked. This is something I never do and I wondered if he had enough seatbets, etc. God must have put a hand my shoulder, because I agreed and felt ok with it. Anyone who knows me knows this is waaayyyy out of character for me.
So we all get into his car and go on our way. After a trip to his brothers and to the gas station my problem was solved. After offereing to pay him, which he refused to accept, I drove off to the nearest gas station thinking to myself "I wonder if he realized he was doing God's work"

Back Pain & Skype

Yesturday was a busy day and I think that I hurt my back again! Ugh! I have having extreme (extreme for me) back pain that lasted almost a week. The pain was really low down my spine almost the my buttocks. It finally went away and after yeturday it's back! And I didn't even think I did any heavy lifting, out of normal.
I am still working on my day care and was able to get an awesome pack n play for $20 with extra sheets for the bottom! Yeah! And a small toddler picnic table for $3. I have to do a little bit of work on the table to make it more study, but it will look nice in the end. I plan to paint it as well.
After making a trip to the mall and the grocery store I came home to put it all away. It was then that I started to feel my back pain again. I have no idea how this pain is getting started or what triggered it. I am just going to take some Advil for it and hopefully it will gone again tomorrow.

On another note, I had discovered skype! My hubby and I downloaded it to our computers because we have been having issues with MSN's video/webcam link being slow or freezing. So far we love it! The picture is much more clearer and so far it's not slow or freezing on us. Yeah! For now we are using it in place of MSN and Yahoo. We haven't used yahoo in months because it seems to do worse than MSN. We have been using skype for about 2 days now and so far I would recommend it! One thing it does that I am not sure if I like or not is that when you download it you can optionally put in a plug-in for firefox that allows you to click on any phone number to place a call through skype's softphone. You have to pay to call that number, but it's convenient. I guess it would depend on how often you would need to do that. For the time being I think I will still use my cell phone or my magic jack to place calls.

Happy Birthday to My son!

Tomorrow the kids go to their's dad's house for the summer. But for today, we spend a nice relaxing day celebrating my Carl's birthday! I can't believe that he is turning 10. That makes me a 10 year survivor of PPCM, or in layman's terms, pregnancy induce heart failure.
He decided that he wanted to go see the new Karate Kid movie, which was an awesome movie! I am always worried about remakes just because they are never as good as the orginials, but they did an AWESOME job on it. Jackie Chan and Jaden Smith was awesome! Jaden is a great little actor and in some ways remind me of how his father, Will Smith acts. I give the movie an A+!
My son was thrilled with getting the next copy of "Diary of a Wimpy Kid". He now has 5 books in the series and all he is lacking in the last one, "The Movie Diary" My mom got him a new Wii game, which he is playing right now. After a long match (because we failed to get a birthday candle) in his ice cream along with singing Happy Birthday, he was one happy kid.



We also spent the morning blueberry picking and ended up with 5lbs of delicious blueberries. The kids enjoy picking them more than eating them, but I think Carl is finally coming around to liking them in small portions.































And of course I can't forget about Mikayla....she made the honor roll the last quarter of the school year! Yeah!! She is now going to 2nd grade!

They grow wwwaaaayyyyy too fast!