Thursday, June 3, 2010


Maybe I am PMSing, but do you have those days where you feel like you just want to scream, kick and beat something up? I am having one of those days the last few days and I can't seem to shake it. Between the big things and the little things, I just can't get myself back on track. I think it's just too much uncertainity right now for me that I just can barely handle all the stress.
I lost my unemployment money a few months ago. Not that I wasn't looking for a job, I was. My challenges are that I am bascially a single mom. Yes, I am married, but for the last 3 years and and till only God knows when, I am on my own. My husband, who is not a US citizen is living in Costa Rica, his home country. That is challenge #1.
Challenge #2 is because of past decisions (or lack of) I don't have a college degree. I graduated high school with honors, but not much after that. I took some college courses, but I never finished. I have high hopes of being an entrepeneur, but haven't made anything with that. Always looking for my niche.
Challenge #3 is that I am not able to work a job with evenings and weekend shifts. I have no childcare for my 2 school aged children.
Challenge #4 is that I have very little outside work expereince. Appearently being able to manage a home, 2 kids with ADHD, schdudules, being a GSA leader amoung other things are not considered real work experience. Or at least it feels like it.

So being that I haven't been able to find work, I have been searching for ways from job searches to working for myself. I have tried having an online store, making things for sale (but that kinda took the fun out it for me), selling Avon, which I still do, teaching Bradley Birth Classes and now I am looking at starting a home daycare.

Just as I decide to work on putting together a home daycare, my ex calls me and gives me a heads up. (I guess he isn't a complete pain in the butt) The company he works for may be loosing their contract which would equal no work for him, which would equal no child support to me for my two kids.
Now what? If that happens I could loose everything. Then what's the point of the home daycare? I don't know what I should do or not do. The only thing I have for definate is that if I do loose my house and all of my income, I will move the kids and I to Costa Rica with my hubby. He is going to school to become a teacher and will have a job hopefully by the end of the year.
I just hate living with all the incertainity that I have to deal with right now. I have to keep it together in front of the kids, but even they are not fooled. My son can tell I am not happy and even has questioned me about it. They deserve better, but it I just don't know how to do it all alone.
Sure my parents, especially my mom says that I could get federal aid (welfare) but who wants to live like that? That is no way to live. It wouldn't keep my house or bills paid and...and..I don't know. I just pray it doesn't get any worse.

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